I have had a few heart breaks in my days, and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my one bff who was there for me and made me take my mind off the heart ache for even a minute. If you can offer that to someone you love that's huge!
This is a little different of a post but I just recently had a sad encounter with a friend and her husband splitting after many years and it was very heart breaking, I cried many tears with her and tried to hold her hand as much as possible through this. I just wanted to offer some advice to you and maybe it can help a friend, family member or even yourself. I hope you can find something out of this useful!
First things first everything depends on their personality and how close you are but you can gauge that the best you can as you know the person.
Once I had heard the awful news of the adultery I knew her world crumbled and I had to do whatever I could even to take one ounce of pain away for a minute. Whether it was late night phone calls, visits, even texts(even though it isn't as personal but some people take more time to open up)
1. BE THERE FOR THEM!!!!
Let them confide in you, cry to you, laugh with you! Tell their story if they are ready. HUG them!!!
This is HUGE! So many of us do not realize we don't listen as much as we should but this is a time where we just need to put our issues in our lives aside and just listen.
3. IT'S OKAY TO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT WORDS!!!!
No one knows exactly what to say, there is no real wrong or right things to say to someone dealing with pain. You want to tell them everything is okay and they will get through this-and they will but it will take a lot of time and support.
4. CREATE A SUPPORT SYSTEM!!!!
This is also really important, I personally myself don't have much of a support system around me but I do have a couple real close friends and if that's all you have thats okay! They need to be around family, friends, anything positive.Maybe take up a new hobby together, maybe just go for walks and let them talk, being alone at first can just be awful for some. People do need their space but if you can make them know they are worth it and will get through this with you and anyone else they love they will stay strong.
5. LET THEM KNOW THEIR STRENGTHS!!!!
My friend who had her cheating husband out of no where was a complete mind blower, disgusting and no excuses, 2 little kids and everything was awful like just AWFUL. Her personally the top thing I would always remind her rad she was on top of:
Her strength.Absolutely a strong girl!
Her AMAZING mothering skills! I have never in my life (and I am old ;) ) have EVER met a mother more committed and wonderful to her children as her!!
That she is beautiful!
Time will heal and you will be there every step of the way!
6. TAKE HER OUT!!!!
When the time is right and she is feeling up to it, maybe have a nice girls out, could be a few drinks, a movie, a coffee, mani/pedis,tattoos(thats our thing LOL) Whatever SHE would like to do and just keep her laughing!
There are a lot of things you can do based on the person and the circumstances, it may need to be adjusted accordingly just to their personality but here is a couple little things I did for her:
I didn't know what to do but I just tried my best and thats all we really can do. I got a nice box together with a card I personalized just for her and wrote a long positive, funny and loving words in,a positive Louise Hay book, it was a quick read so I thought it would be easier in between the tears, but it is a self esteem builder and hopefully would make her smile. I bought her eye gel patches you can put in your fridge and put on your eyes to help with swelling (from all the crying :( ) Some nice bubble bath. My favourite, and I believe her favorite thing as well I got was a journal from Chapters, now I don't remember what it was called but I told her to write all the anger, the hurt, the sadness that she didn't want the world to know (she puts on a brave face) and then eventually as time goes on it will turn into a positive journal. I even wrote some joke notes in there to try to make her laugh.
Inside this journal I wrote a Men bashing list! (sorry dudes out there, it just was suiting, and I would do the same for my male friends with females that did them wrong.) It was a joke list, just trying to make her smile :)
Many visits, coffees, a couple vodkas, tears,laughs,hugs,phone calls and texts she is getting stronger and stronger! I actually wanted her to write a blog about her story because she is incredible and an inspiration to all.
I hope this helps any of you looking for ideas, and just so you know I am not bashing men or women, it was just the circumstances of this relationship and different things apply to different situations.
Have you guys ever had to help out a friend in this type of situation? What were some tools you used to help your friend or family member?