Anxiety

OVERWHELMING. SCARED. EXHAUSTED. SAD. HURT. EMBARASSED.  FEAR.  RUN. HELD BACK. NOT LIVING FULLY. UNHAPPY. WORRIED. NEVER ENDING THOUGHTS. SPIRALING. CRIPPLING. SUFFOCATING. TOO MUCH TALKING. TOO LITTLE TALKING. SICK TO MY STOMACH. SLEEPLESSNESS. 

All of those are just a slight blurb of what many people deal with DAILY. I have spoken of Anxiety before on my blog but never to the extent, I have the urge to now.

I am in a place in my life where I like to tell it how it is. The good, the bad and the anxiety. It is what it is. I know that is a sad way to word it. What I mean by "It is what it is" is that I have accepted this and now it is time to face it. When I can at least.

Most people go through life having normal anxiety, a healthy amount. The fight or flight amount. Others go through life with a crippling painful amount where someday's are difficult to even function at all. I have been living like this for years now......

I don't like it. I can't fix things I can only do my best day by day to survive.

I guess I am wanting to post this since I am not a big shot social media girl like many who have come out with their anxiety stories. I am just like you. They are just like us.  There are differences in all of us but we who have this are suffering and some don't have support.

As I write this, I question everything I type, the words, the way I am coming across, and I think, I cannot breathe, should I even be posting this? Will anyone read this? Will I delete this before I hit publish? 

EXHAUSTING.

Sometimes, everything is too much and there are times you need to just cut everything off an focus on yourself.

I will not write a giant novel today, instead, I will share a new app I am trying out.

I have been told meditation is amazing, how Buddhist spend hours a day meditating and how much it can benefit everyone for so many different reasons. I have a hard time with it but I have given it a try on and off over the years. 

I really like listening to Jason Stephenson on Youtube. His calm demeanour, voice and words help calm me down sometimes.  I recommend checking him out.

I also have found this app called Headspace. I am just using the free version, but I am enjoying the quick few minuate meditations because let's face it, it's damn hard!

My Sweet old photo of my kitty who has kidney disease </3

That's all I will write for now.....

Anyone care to share anything?